I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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