she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
