me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize