did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
