yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
