You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
