He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
there is glitter all over my balls
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize