Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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