i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
