someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
