so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
