i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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