im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
