and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
