Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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