A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
