i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
