he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We have so much sex to catch up on
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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