It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sorry my hands just texted you
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
