would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Never joke about your clitoris.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
