ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
