We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
