Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
