just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
