We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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