I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize