New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
