I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
