Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
