One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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