did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
