i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
