Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dear god my vagina.
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