I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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