I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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