just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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