I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Bring me that man meat
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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