Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
