I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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