I think my vagina is haunted
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
