Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
