Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
