I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
