he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
