I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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