didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
