someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
