no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize