You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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