OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
