My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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