Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
