guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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