So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
