They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
