I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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