i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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