So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
