I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
