part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
