too bad you live with your parents still
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
