Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize