Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
