Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
