why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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