we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
