i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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