apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
