Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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