yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
