im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
