Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
