If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
