you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize