If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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