wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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