Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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