tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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