God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
