The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
