Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
