I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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