Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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