singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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