i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
