Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
