Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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