Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
