I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
