NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
